Songs are talking

Very often, you find meaning you have been looking for or words you need in songs.

Right out of the gym on the radio in your car:
Tum hamare nahin toh kya gham hai, Hum tumhare toh hai yeh kya kam hai

On your playlist:
I really want you to really want me, but I really don't know, if you can do that.
I know you want to know what's right but I know it's so hard for you to do that.
Time's running out as often it does and often dictates that you can't do that.
Fate can't break this feeling inside, that's burning up through my veins.
I really want you, I really want you, I really want you now.
No matter what I say or do, the message isn't getting through,
and you're listening to the sound of my breaking heart.

Its on the radio and a friend calls to say - maybe this is the answer:
Har kisi ko, nahin milta, yahan pyar zindagi mein...

And there is hope, in a new movie you see:
Kahin toh hogi woh duniya jahan tu mere saath hai...

And hence it goes, life.

I am? You are!

Yes, I have known for a while, but its easy to lose sight of it, but thank you, really. I am indeed immensely happy that I am. For as long as I can remember, back in school - I know I am, but sometimes people made me feel they knew better, in college - I really didn't think it was so, because it wasn't what I really really wanted but then I realized I am, so I changed things, and they did too, something like AIESEC happened which has brought a range of experiences hard to even put down but when it made me feel excited, crazy, sad, challenged, proud, passionate, capable, wild, inhibited, etc I always thought its happening to me, through AIESEC, through the people I met here, and the conferences I traveled to, and the meetings I did, and the appointments I went for, and the humongous amount of emails that I wrote, and the trainee parties I attended (and how!),etc. But now I know its because I am. I am the dedication, I am the skill, I am the seeker, I am the leader, I am the innovator, I am the mistake, I am the learning. I am everything I want to be and need to be.

Listed Chaos

There are things happening, and I need to figure out soon why!
- I fail to commit to two hours of gym everyday after paying so much of money (which even had me in debt), I know its almost a Global phenomenon, heh, but no!
- I am simply walking away from situations that don't feel right, and make me uncomfortable and confused like somebody is squeezing my mind. Just walking walking walking away... not caring who or what or how it maybe.
- Instead of sticking by Art of Living knowledge, I feel like I given up parts of it which I was living even before the course. Am I living out the other extreme before giving up everything? :)
- Very less filtration happening between thoughts and words coming out of my mouth
- I prefer being funny over being smart (or being funny & smart over being polite & mature)
- Though, I am being much more innovative and productive at certain fronts than I have been for long, it is the flip side of my individuality? Why does being rational and being spiritual sound like two opposites right now?
- I am almost a full time LCP but mentally I am always wanting to do more than that, because though its a 24/7 job, but it doesn't take my 24 hours per say!
- I still sleep peacefully, praise the Lord.
- Things I know I will enjoy but I don't do: Gardening, cooking, writing, walking, cycling, learning a new language, etc etc., Okay, much beyond that, I simply need the farm house and start the school for the children in the villages around, thats destination for the 35th Birthday, but why not now, what am I waiting for, I am going to be 22, I may have 13 years or not even 13 breaths, I am confused.
- Now, I don't even know why I am saying all this.
Okay, done.

Morning life

Its becoming harder and harder for me to remember days when I actually wake up early, and live through a normal productive day. Getting up in the afternoon is in itself draining.

Today, I am living the morning life! AIESEC office > EonEcon Office > Gym > Home for Lunch > Appointment > AIESEC Office > Art of Living Satsang!

Sounds like a plan!

The Sunday downfall

Sundays are fascinating. They are different. It started late - the lazy Sunday afternoon. Food and people. The chaos thrived. And cricket followed.

And then, just when it should have been a happy ending (ha), it was the need to escape. And I ate and slept. Always works.

A meeting with myself

This is surely special. I have just come out of seven days of an Art of Living course - YES+ which is designed specially for the youth.

Everything seems so much more clear after having experienced some blissful moments in the past seven days, those which when you close yours eyes let you dive into the vastness of your existence.

And when you open them, you see everything for the illusion that it is - only your are the reality - and you are not a name or a gender or an age or a religion.

I am aware of each moment, because I am living in each moment (I learnt not to say 'I try' - and lose my conviction). I don't have a hangover of the past. And much more has come with that.

Life is not a race (a game at times, sure)! How wonderful :)

Today

Somebody made a movie and called it normal life. Doesn't that offend you? Or its my undying dream on being in a motion picture or atleast making one?

Today its,

"Ab ke sajan sawan mein, aagan lagi ke badan mein..."

And today its from TV. But nonetheless.

there's more! wait okay?

--

Right, so thats a song from the 60's. A saree clad Sharmila Tagore sings about spring and her body being on fire? Where, might I ask, has gone the sensitivity now to such ideas? But beyond that, where are the neat, humourous and entertaining Hindi movies anymore. Chukpe Chupke is hilarious. I found myself laughing and rolling on the bed with Amitabh's comic timing!

So that was that day. Many songs have come and gone since, about love, about life, about everything really. The day today will be the same, because everyday is!

But how?

Oh the emptiness has hit
And why? Its with too much, and its with nothing.
Its with me, and its with us. But I wouldn't pick up if you called.
And it wouldn't matter, because existence is one, with or without.

Did you know people are dying? Did you know the world is coming to end?
Did you know that nothing you do will matter? Did you remember we are dying?
Together and alone.

I have made my normal life. And you have made yours.
And we are expected to live on.
But how?