I am alive, I know!

Yes, I needed to say it, with all thats been happening lately! And I also needed to write, which seems to come by with much effort these days. I have much to say, and tell, I think about it, but in front of the laptop screen I seem to go blank (actually thats been happening since a year, shhh!)

First things first, I am missing out on writing my final year exams which means I am (possibly) going to graduate six months late now. I know I am playing it too close by giving them in October now, but I don't think I have an option. I hope I don't miss out on NLDS for the third time in a row because of the Psychology practical (again!) in September sometime. Oh! This reminds of the Psychology practical this March without having made a file. The so-called Viva turned out to be more of a psychometric analysis of mine by my teachers.

"There is no other problem with you, you are just a bad time manager!" one of them declared.
"But I had plenty of time to make the file!" I exclaimed.
"So you are a bad time manager and you are careless!" she concluded.

Right, that could be true. I have never claimed to understand the concept of time management. Plus I have failed at using calender application (cellphone) and google calender miserably.

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The reason why I am not writing my exams is because I fell ill to a viral fever -the terrible terrible thing that it is. Ten or so days in bed with pills and a liquid diet (because I managed to mess up my digestive system at the same time!). A couple of days before it happened I was heard saying "I just need two days, if the world could just stop for two days, I would be fine". And it did. The funny part being - things I wanted it to stop for don't seem to matter no more. And here I am - recovering from extreme weakness - with nothing but Gym to look forward to!
That maybe also because most of the VPs (partners in AIESEC crime) are giving their exams. Well, will have to do with the random visits to the new cafe ' Backpackers' (which by the way is over-priced and has the most un-understandable menu to me.) But the pizza looks promising, and I am going to try it - I am 10 kgs lighter and I am feeling food-adventurous and spendy!

Have I mentioned how bad being sick is already? Also, I missed a Bollywood themed trainee party because of the same! Imagine!

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Also whats up with the TV?! Howcome there are like a 50 channels but there is never anything worth watching on?

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So food, TV, being online and sleep (I am not even going there, I spend four hours every night trying to get myself to sleep, and then I give in and take a pill :S), so yes, none of the above mentioned things seem to provide the PEACE they used to. Perhaps I am on the verge of a spiritual turn-around. Ha.

Here to the lonely drive with old Hindi songs playing on the radio and it went..

Hum tumhe chahte hain aise, marne wala koi zindagi chahta hai jaise

I also should have mentioned that I realized I was never in love... that one,two,three..err.. almost four times that I thought I was, I wasn't! I am just in love with the idea of being in love till it actually happens ;)

Reality check One Two Three...

Its the year 2008.

I am 21, and rapidly moving towards being 22, and it doesn't have any significance whatsoever.

I can/may graduate this April. Woohoo! But nothing exciting except some mental relief. The hope of a Masters, nice!

I am LCP of AIESEC Chandigarh, something I faintly dreamt of in August 2005. It's certainly different from being a VP, an ordinary way of life is no more an option, and the extraordinary way is not a cake-walk (like I might have thought at some point). It doesn't really matter how much time I have spent in AIESEC, its all new and hard. One day at a time, I say!

We hosted a National Conference! (I daresay successfully, not upto me). And we even won awards - even a big unexpected one! And Apurav made it to AIESEC in India MC! Picture perfect :)

...

I spent two complete days at home this week, don't know after how long. And with very less thought. Almost incapable of thinking. Its only mom, dad & I, and with one of us not being themselves, not being normal, not being there, its the most empty feeling I have gone through. I cried for things to be normal, for the life that I (and I suppose a lot of us) take for granted. Don't know how its going to shape up even now. But at some level I have made my peace with the fact that its insignificant (worrying/thinking/etc). Its reality. It needs acceptance.

At some level, I understand everything is an illusion. Impermanence of the world provides me the most strength to be who I am. And Its working.

(Plus some random feel good text messages, shallow shallow dirty fellow, I know).