2 am life

For some weird reason I have just become concious of the time and what I am doing at 2am.

Day before yesterday
Walking up (and down) a mountain in pitch dark trying to locate the road with my cellphones light. And I give credit to Alice for being braver (or just more rational) than me in that situation.

Yesterday
Watching a re-run of Desperate HouseWives back home :)

Today
Reached home after a long (because I decided to go very slow) drive from Fun Republic after watching a movie. The movie was entertaining and the drive cool, but ahead lay a storm :)

Offtopic: Posts I shouldve written but did not:
Bridges of eternity
When the one you love goes wild
Gimme gimme gimme liberty
Death in installments
Experience vs examination
Pets of my past
Non-rejection
Nevermind
Forgive them, they know not what theyve got!
Human folly
After glow
One day things will go my way

I dont know where I am going next, and thats another side of this life that I have been leading.

A new world

" Stars below and land above. A different, a new world. I am not loving it, its not awesome or horrible. Its just there - existing for itself - and thats it, thats perfect. Rain is liberating and clouds closer to heaven. And survival is - more. And delicious, authentic. An authentic life - not given easily. There is.."

I learnt not to expect and then see it being better. And tried too hard to get done some things while there but it just wouldnt happen. Realizing now that I so work like a machine, there is a step process. Just cannot perceive and simlutaneously analyize. Well, under the category of a weekend get-away it was more or less right up there (considering this perhaps is the only one). But it could have been a little more silent/quiet. Not at all to undermine the kind of company I was in. In daily life it sometimes becomes difficult to actually differentiate between two people you know. And two days in a different environment tell you all you can possibly comprehend in 42 hours about differences in personality of two people or seven.
Balance. Indeed. I dont know what Buddhism preaches? Shouldve found out. Atleast the idea behind the robes annd shaved heads which are fascinating to say the least. A monk and a prisnor are two roles I am ready to play, but I am afraid I cant do it for life, both will need ultimate commitment in opposite directions.
Desire. Cant deny. Peace . Trying too hard? Enjoyment. Not on the agenda.
Time is not even a dimension anymore. I think I can work without or this could be just something I said.
Well, I still smiled along the way, the felt that sensation I think is going to sort thingd out.
Progress Mr.Grewal.
Closer to the new world.

Bigger than the sky.

5:21 am
Wednesday
19July 2006

And bumping into life someday, just like that
a new sign, panic replaced by peace
and things that you find so hard to believe :)

Its surreal...it is. its heaven. its bliss. its God. its illusion.
its the only reality that ever existed.

i am back. I am Back. I AM BACK.
wrap the smoke around me.

I have found the essence of who i am.
ha.
cliche. or whatever the spelling is. (ego ego egGGOOO!)

i need my 8 hours sir thank you. such a mess otherwise.

Waiting for my saturday. my bar. my rum. vodka. beer. whichever i can pay for.

theory and practice is different. losers. drama queens. me.

closed doors. newspaper windows. Break.

I am following my light!!!!

I am never going back to birth.

I am going where I am led. Not leading. I am one. I'll play true to the end. To the white feather. To the pure, to the lightest, that which changes with a breath, no stain, no smudge, with Panache.

Never saying a line that isnt said from the heart, and accepting flowers, food, or anything provided there is a place to collect them and call my own.

Somethings are bigger than the sky. But analysis will still destroy them.

PS Its moments which will make this. and dreams. BIG dreams. Its re-birth. Keeping some of the last life. Connecting. I have more to say.