Leadership?

If my pretending can kill your weakness.
I'll very well do it.
Influence - nothing more, nothing less?


Afterthought:
Written as a point to ponder over during a period where I was desperately trying to define leadership for myself, ended up putting it into these words:
Leadership is the capability to influence situations through people, bettering both in the process.

PS I still, however, realize every now and then, how loose-ended concepts can be!

learnings of a 1/3rd dozen days

Ususual learnings from recent unusual situations:

• 'One who shows ignoble fear in the face of danger or pain' describes me.
• Everyone has problems, your own are just magnified.
• Utlimately we are all selfish; recognizing so can help make it a virtue.
• I am capable of very mean, selfish, hurtful things; yes, i am human afterall.
• Being ignored hurts.
• Denial can lead to enlightenment.
• Deadlines dont amuse me, they scare me, I pretend otherwise.
• Life, overall, does amuse me.
• I dont understand passion.
• Ambition, aspirations, leadership, etc etc are just concepts.
• Whatever I know, think, speak; might just be absolutely wrong.
• There is no right or wrong.
• Sometimes you can on and on.
• Sometimes you cant say a word.
• Its possible to have thoughts that cannot be communicated verbally.
• I like myself when I am absurd.
• Saying the truth doesnt hurt anyone, but the one whom it is about.
• Mostly, emotions and feelings are just hormones & enzymes: porn, music, laughing, alcohol help.
• I want coffee.
• Crowds are repulsive to me.
• The criteria isnt how much you know me (anymore), it is how much I know you.
  

Lines of grace

emotion

When words make more sense than they should, do more than they they normally do...

" I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stuck here dithering around
Well I know I said I'd wait around till you need me
But I have to go, I hate to let you down
But I can't stop now
I've got troubles of my own
Cause I'm short on time
I'm lonely
And I'm too tired to talk...
Emotion keeps my heart running..."

If you havent discovered KEANE and their music till now, its time you did :)

Ah! Life eh!

I think this is what I have always wanted to write, I think everything I write or think or do is about this, about, a small-little-yet-impossible-to-define-word, life
Its not the opposite of death, I heard that, I believe that, I fail to define that.

How is it that every human goes through all possible emotions through his life-time?
Is that it? Is life a hot cup of coffee, sunshine, and a book, or is it a mug of beer, crazie lighting, loud music & someone to dirty dance with? :D

Is it possible to someone who lives LIFE through both these situations and many others and still goes on, cries, laughs, changes, learns & unlearns, and blah blah blah.

And what if I dont have any intrepretations, thoughts, ideas, opinions at the end of the day about anything or everything, what happened there?

There are situations or moments or ideas or just things which evoke strong reactions by your body, by your brain, are those the things you should live for? work for? work with!

Is life a 'should' or a 'would' or a 'COULD'?

I understand this is why its hard for me to make sense. Sometimes when I am talking to people, I am hit so strongly by the fact that I am not really interested in what he or she is talking about, I dont have an opinion about it, and i dont care, honestly, and i look shaking my head, and then end up saying something totally un-related!

Ah! Life eh!

Winter

"A wrinkled clod as hard as brick; and when,
Among their children, comfortable men
Gather about great fires, and yet feel cold;
Alas, then, for the homeless beggar old! "
- PB Shelley

Breathe...

Have you ever, ever felt so spaced out, so empty, so blank, so mechanical, not wanting to be all this, but more and making it too obvious?

Afterthought:
"No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe"
I had heard it before and I knew what to do. But this cant work everytime!

And then...

There are so many moments and thoughts and realizations and confusions.
I am thinking, not merely re-arranging my prejudices, I promise.
And, I am willing to put it all all down on paper, or computer, whatever times demand, but I dont have to.
For now, I write about not the past but the future...

" Writings of light assault the darkness, more prodigious than meteors.
The tall unknowable city takes over the countryside.
Sure of my life and my death, I observe the ambitious and would like to understand them.
Their day is greedy as a lariat in the air.
Their night is a rest from the rage within steel, quick to attack.
They speak of humanity.
My humanity is in feeling we are all voices of the same poverty.
They speak of homeland.
My homeland is the rhythm of a guitar, a few portraits, and old sword, the willow grove's visible prayer as evening falls.
Time is living me.
More silent than my shadow, I pass through the loftily covetous multitude.
They are indispensible, singular, worthy of tomorrow.
My name is someone and anyone.
I walk slowly, like one who comes from so far away he doesnt expect to arrive "

Yes, I intend to 'Boast of Quietness' and now I am thinking again, after knowing Jorge Luis Borges died a few months before I was born.

Attempting to probe further I find out, he once said , "There is no intellectual exercise which is not ultimately useless." How intellectual of him to say that.
And, "Due to the virtual absence of any discussion of sexuality from his works, some commentators speculate that he was asexual."
I am laughing and perfectly knowing why. Life amuses me every now and then, often infact, to the core.

On another note, more like - whats up with me - I am changing, evolving! (I always end up saying 'evolutionizing' and making a fool out of myself, but its instinct, maybe someday that'll be a word)

Am i there yet?