A meeting with myself

This is surely special. I have just come out of seven days of an Art of Living course - YES+ which is designed specially for the youth.

Everything seems so much more clear after having experienced some blissful moments in the past seven days, those which when you close yours eyes let you dive into the vastness of your existence.

And when you open them, you see everything for the illusion that it is - only your are the reality - and you are not a name or a gender or an age or a religion.

I am aware of each moment, because I am living in each moment (I learnt not to say 'I try' - and lose my conviction). I don't have a hangover of the past. And much more has come with that.

Life is not a race (a game at times, sure)! How wonderful :)

Today

Somebody made a movie and called it normal life. Doesn't that offend you? Or its my undying dream on being in a motion picture or atleast making one?

Today its,

"Ab ke sajan sawan mein, aagan lagi ke badan mein..."

And today its from TV. But nonetheless.

there's more! wait okay?

--

Right, so thats a song from the 60's. A saree clad Sharmila Tagore sings about spring and her body being on fire? Where, might I ask, has gone the sensitivity now to such ideas? But beyond that, where are the neat, humourous and entertaining Hindi movies anymore. Chukpe Chupke is hilarious. I found myself laughing and rolling on the bed with Amitabh's comic timing!

So that was that day. Many songs have come and gone since, about love, about life, about everything really. The day today will be the same, because everyday is!

But how?

Oh the emptiness has hit
And why? Its with too much, and its with nothing.
Its with me, and its with us. But I wouldn't pick up if you called.
And it wouldn't matter, because existence is one, with or without.

Did you know people are dying? Did you know the world is coming to end?
Did you know that nothing you do will matter? Did you remember we are dying?
Together and alone.

I have made my normal life. And you have made yours.
And we are expected to live on.
But how?

I am alive, I know!

Yes, I needed to say it, with all thats been happening lately! And I also needed to write, which seems to come by with much effort these days. I have much to say, and tell, I think about it, but in front of the laptop screen I seem to go blank (actually thats been happening since a year, shhh!)

First things first, I am missing out on writing my final year exams which means I am (possibly) going to graduate six months late now. I know I am playing it too close by giving them in October now, but I don't think I have an option. I hope I don't miss out on NLDS for the third time in a row because of the Psychology practical (again!) in September sometime. Oh! This reminds of the Psychology practical this March without having made a file. The so-called Viva turned out to be more of a psychometric analysis of mine by my teachers.

"There is no other problem with you, you are just a bad time manager!" one of them declared.
"But I had plenty of time to make the file!" I exclaimed.
"So you are a bad time manager and you are careless!" she concluded.

Right, that could be true. I have never claimed to understand the concept of time management. Plus I have failed at using calender application (cellphone) and google calender miserably.

--

The reason why I am not writing my exams is because I fell ill to a viral fever -the terrible terrible thing that it is. Ten or so days in bed with pills and a liquid diet (because I managed to mess up my digestive system at the same time!). A couple of days before it happened I was heard saying "I just need two days, if the world could just stop for two days, I would be fine". And it did. The funny part being - things I wanted it to stop for don't seem to matter no more. And here I am - recovering from extreme weakness - with nothing but Gym to look forward to!
That maybe also because most of the VPs (partners in AIESEC crime) are giving their exams. Well, will have to do with the random visits to the new cafe ' Backpackers' (which by the way is over-priced and has the most un-understandable menu to me.) But the pizza looks promising, and I am going to try it - I am 10 kgs lighter and I am feeling food-adventurous and spendy!

Have I mentioned how bad being sick is already? Also, I missed a Bollywood themed trainee party because of the same! Imagine!

--

Also whats up with the TV?! Howcome there are like a 50 channels but there is never anything worth watching on?

--

So food, TV, being online and sleep (I am not even going there, I spend four hours every night trying to get myself to sleep, and then I give in and take a pill :S), so yes, none of the above mentioned things seem to provide the PEACE they used to. Perhaps I am on the verge of a spiritual turn-around. Ha.

Here to the lonely drive with old Hindi songs playing on the radio and it went..

Hum tumhe chahte hain aise, marne wala koi zindagi chahta hai jaise

I also should have mentioned that I realized I was never in love... that one,two,three..err.. almost four times that I thought I was, I wasn't! I am just in love with the idea of being in love till it actually happens ;)